Shrek's 30 Funniest Quotes

Summary

• Shrek’s sarcastic and witty lines make for some of the funniest moments in the franchise.
• The Shrek movies are filled with innuendos and adult jokes that provide something for audiences of all ages.
• The friendship between Shrek and Donkey is one of the highlights of the franchise, and their banter never gets old.

The funniest Shrek quotes prove why DreamWorks’ fantasy comedy franchise is considered a classic. Shrek is one of the most iconic animated characters in the past two decades, making his debut when the first movie premiered in 2001. Mike Myers’s stellar performance as the ogre undoubtedly elevated the character and franchise’s popularity. However, Shrek subverts the fantasy genre’s clichés due to his heroism (as an ogre) when he’s given a chance to save a beautiful princess — who also turns out to be an ogre. Ultimately, every Shrek movie contains quotable moments that will be remembered for many generations.

With Shrek 5 in development, it seems as if the big green ogre’s place in pop culture isn’t soon to be relinquished. Shrek made DreamWorks Animation a household name, and, over 20 years and four films later, they remain as influential as ever. It’s been a full decade since Shrek Forever After, the franchise’s most recent entry, premiered. But audiences are always ready for more witty quips and dry jokes from this hapless hero of fabricated folklore. While waiting for Shrek 5, fans can return to the kingdom of Far, Far Away to relive some of the best Shrek quotes.

35

“A Stack Of Freshly Made Waffles In The Middle Of The Forest?”

Shrek Forever After

The Shrek movies are known for their meta references to fairy tale tropes, and many of the funniest Shrek quotes come when the franchise leans into its roots as a satire of classic stories. For example, in Shrek Forever After, as the title character and Donkey are out in the woods and see a beautiful stack of waffles, Donkey is excited. But Shrek can see that it’s some kind of ploy.

In an old Hans Christian Andersen story, the characters would blindly fall for a trick like this. However, Shrek points out how absurd and on-the-nose this trick is. Still, Donkey’s dumb enough to fall for it – and he established his love of waffles as far back as the first movie. The fun here is that Shrek, considered one of the least intelligent of the many fairy tale creatures, can often see right through genre tropes and is always ready to point it out, although other characters ignore him (especially Donkey).

34

“I Already Had A Big Bowl Of Curly-Toed Weirdo For Breakfast.”

Shrek Forever After

Given his appearance, Shrek finds that many people assume the worst after meeting him. After a while, however, he embraces their presumptions about him, often replying to their fears with witty retorts. This was certainly the case the first time he met Rumpelstiltskin in Shrek: Forever After, who wondered if the ogre would eat him. This is clearly an assumption based on Shrek being an ogre and having a bad reputation as a result, but Shrek is quickly able to throw an insult right back at the guy.

Though Shrek replies to Rumpelstiltskin’s panicked cries with a great retort, this line still shows how difficult his life is when dealing with those who fear him. Luckily, Shrek has mostly let things roll off his shoulders, as when he says this great quote, he is just fixing his wagon and doesn’t seem to care that he was just offhandedly insulted by Rumpelstiltskin.

33

“Inside, Waiting For Us To Rescue Her.”

Shrek

As Shrek and Donkey explore the formidable tower, Donkey wonders where the rumored dragon is and says, “So where is this fire-breathin’ pain in the neck, anyway?” Shrek quips, “Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.” Of course, Donkey gives his traveling companion some bombastic side-eye for this little remark and emphasizes that he was calling the dragon a “pain in the neck” and not the princess.

It’s one of the many character-defining Shrek quotes. Shrek immediately assumed that Fiona would not be someone he wanted anything to do with based on previous interactions with humans. That made the fact that he fell in love with her so surprising. This quote also shows how reluctant Shrek is as a hero, heading in to rescue the princess since he saw her as no better or maybe even worse than the dragon.

32

“If You Think This Whole Mad Scene Ain’t Dope, I Feel You, Dude.”

Shrek The Third

One of Shrek’s best quotes in the franchise comes from an interaction with Artie in Shrek the Third. Though Shrek seems to have a good sense of what it is like to be a teenager, he certainly doesn’t have the appropriate lingo for it. In a feeble attempt to relate to Artie, Shrek dusts off some old phrases and makes up a few new ones. What makes it work even better is that Donkey and Puss in Boots give each other looks, and if Donkey is vicariously embarrassed by Sherk’s quotes, it has to be bad.

Watching the grumpy ogre attempt to see eye-to-eye with a typical high schooler will never get old, especially after he crashes and burns, setting up one of Artie’s best lines:

“I’ve been kidnapped by a monster who’s trying to relate to me!”

31

“I Like My Privacy.”

Shrek

Shrek’s privacy is the most important thing to him when the audience first meets him during the first installment in the Shrek franchise, and he says as much when Donkey follows him to Shrek’s swamp. Donkey comments on the ogre’s warning signs placed on the outskirts of the swamp, and Shrek explains how he likes living alone with no one bothering him.

Shrek won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature in 2001, and the movie was the first recipient of the award.

Thankfully, that changes as the movie goes on, but this quote sums up Shrek’s personality at the beginning. The focus of the entire Shrek franchise shows how the ogre went from someone who hated to be around others and preferred loneliness to a person with friends, family, and loved ones that he would do anything to protect and hold onto. Without this early character trait, none of that would mean as much.

30

“I Didn’t Know We Could Do That.”

Shrek Forever After

Shrek discovers an entirely new ability when he meets his ogre brethren in Shrek Forever After. Shrek is confused when he ends up in an alternate timeline and meets Fiona, now in charge of an ogre militia bent on ending Rumpelstiltskin’s reign. Brogan is the first to greet Shrek, welcoming him to the resistance. This situation is already unusual for Shrek, as he isn’t used to being around other ogres, especially ones who know more about his own species than he does.

When Shrek questions Brogan about this resistance they are battling, Brogan states that they fight for oppressed ogres everywhere. Then he holds his nose and blows, causing his ears to act as a trumpet. The rest of the ogres follow suit, and Shrek shockingly admits he had no idea he had that ability, clearly impressed with the new talent. It is clear Shrek will likely try this the first chance he gets.

29

“Well, My Stomach Aches And My Palms Just Got Sweaty, Must Be A High School.”

Shrek The Third

The funniest Shrek quotes aren’t relegated just to the first film. In Shrek the Third, Shrek, Donkey, and Puss in Boots learn that the future King Arthur is in Worcestershire. As Donkey pontificates about what the place may be, Shrek notes a familiar feeling, with his stomachache and sweaty palms confirming that Worcestershire is a high school. When they arrive, Shrek shows that he knows what he is talking about, and things get even more difficult from there.

Even though Shrek wasn’t shown attending high school in his teenage years, this line is nonetheless spot-on for anyone who has. Shrek’s signature sarcasm and reliability once again deliver one of his funniest lines in the franchise. From Shrek’s comments, if he did attend high school as a youngster, it’s clear he does not have fond memories of it, making him more relatable than ever for viewers at home.

28

“Join The Club. We Got Jackets.”

Shrek 2

Some of the best Shrek quotes usually involve the title character being wildly misunderstood. The same goes for this Shrek 2 gem, as Puss in Boots soon realizes that Shrek isn’t as easy to defeat as initially thought. Harold initially sent Puss in Boots to assassinate Shrek. Once Puss in Boots realizes he’s no match for Shrek, he says, “Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.”

Shrek busts out one of the funniest Shrek quotes, saying, “Join the club, we got jackets.” It’s yet another reminder that Shrek is used to being misjudged to the point he’s become sarcastic about it. However, by this time, Shrek knows he is not alone and also realizes that Donkey is often just as misjudged as he is, and the two are a duo now, which explains the need for the theoretical jackets.

27

“It’s Time To Pack Up Your Toothbrush And Jammies. You’re The New King Of Far Far Away.”

Shrek The Third

Following in the traditions of the fairy tales that inspired them, the Shrek movies usually revolve around Shrek and Donkey going on quests, and it’s from these experiences that the best Shrek quotes are born. In Shrek the Third, Shrek and Donkey seek the heir to Fiona’s father’s throne after he dies. The heir’s name is Arthur — or “Artie,” and he’s played by Justin Timberlake.

When Shrek arrives at Artie’s school to take him back to Far Far Away to claim his throne, the other students assume he’s there to eat him — and then they’re disappointed that he’s not. This is a moment where people once again stereotyped Shrek, but in a way that insulted someone else (Artie), and once again, Shrek was there to throw around more deflective insults in response to the crowd’s comments.

26

“Cute, Button Nose? Thick, Wavy Locks? Taut, Round Buttocks?”

Shrek 2

Shrek’s twist came halfway through the first movie when Fiona was revealed to have been cursed to be an ogre unless she received true love’s kiss. So, it made sense to flip that twist in the sequel and have Shrek drink a potion that turns him into a handsome human, prompting one of Shrek’s funniest quotes.

As he wakes up and discovers his human features — and that Donkey is now a majestic white stallion — he lists off everything attractive about his new body, such as an adorable nose, a thick head of hair, and a “taut” rear end. The entire moment was funny, mostly because Shrek has always been self-deprecating about himself, and seeing him realize that he has new “hot” qualities almost seems ludicrous. It almost sounds like he is still mocking himself, even in this moment.

25

“You Know, Donkey, Sometimes Things Are More Than They Appear.”

Shrek

Shrek’s soft side may not be in full swing in 2001’s Shrek, but he gets somewhat emotional with Donkey during their first overnight on their journey to bring Princess Fiona to Lord Farquaad in Duloc. The two lie on the ground and look at the stars, and Shrek points out certain constellations and the stories they tell about historical ogres. When Donkey asks Shrek if he can tell his future from the stars, Shrek emphasizes these are stories from the past, not signs of the future.

Shrek then talks about the different constellations and then points one out about Bloodnut the Flatulant. He then says that the story is obvious, as all Bloodnut’s enemies run away from the smell of his flatulence. When Donkey accuses Shrek of making that one up, Shrek responds, “You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear.” With all the misconceptions about Shrek and Ogres, this is a lesson that he takes very seriously.

24

“Actually, It’s Quite Good On Toast.”

Shrek

In the opening scene of Shrek, a group of villagers gets together with their torches and pitchforks to kill the local ogre. Attempting to rile his friends up, one villager says that the ogre will “grind your bones for its bread,” and one of the best Shrek quotes comes when the ogre corrects him. He casually says:

“Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres – oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.”

Naturally, Shrek’s shocking retort is enough to paralyze the mob in fear. They run from the ogre, leaving him in his swamp all along, which is how he likes it. So, one of Shrek’s first lines in the record-breaking Shrek franchise is also one of his best.

23

“How Do You Explain Sgt. Pompous And The Fancy Pants Club Band?”

Shrek 2

The funniest Shrek quotes are usually inspired by the ogre poking fun at his surroundings. “Shrek” and “fancy” are two words that rarely go together, as was certainly the case when Fiona’s parents sent a brigade of buglers and presenters to the swamp to invite the two ogres to Far, Far Away. Seeing this display of pomp and pride, Shrek and his Scottish accent had a few choice words for the king and queen’s attendants.

This line provided color commentary from the signature sarcastic ogre and set up the disparity between Shrek and his in-laws that would carry throughout the entire sequel. In the tone that he said it, Shrek was not really trying to be rude or dismissive, either. Shrek’s initial defense mechanism when he feels uncomfortable is quips, and it has been that way since the very first movie.

22

“Look At Him In His Wee Li’l Boots!”

Shrek 2

Antonio Banderas’ Zorro-like portrayal of Puss in Boots quickly became just as beloved as any character from the first movie when he joined Shrek and Donkey in Shrek 2. His technique of looking adorable with gigantic eyes to get his opponents to drop their guard before launching an attack on them is fool-proof.

It worked on Shrek and Donkey when they first encountered him in the woods. Shrek said one of his most memorable quotes, and it would also work later in the franchise. While Shrek was distracted by the cute little cat, Puss in Boots launched into attack mode, although he had no chance against the bigger ogre. There were very few people throughout the franchise that could withstand this Puss in Boots signature move. The feline proved to be so popular that Puss in Boots got his spin-off series.

21

“You’re Going The Right Way For A Smacked Bottom.”

Shrek

Among the many threats against Donkey, his accent makes this one better. According to CBR, Mike Myers took Shrek’s Scottish accent from the voice his mother used to use when she read him fairy tales as a kid. He recorded his lines for the first movie with a few different accents, mostly from different regions of Canada, and they couldn’t find a voice that fit.

According to Shrek trivia, it cost the studio millions of dollars to keep reanimating the movie to suit the new voice recordings. In the end, he found the accent that suited the character: Scottish. The line itself is not too much, but considering Myers got the quote from something his mother once told him, but adding the Scottish accent to it, makes it mean even more and hit even harder when he delivers it.

20

“I Live In A Swamp! I Put Up Signs! I’m A Terrifying Ogre! What Do I Have To Do To Get A Little Privacy?”

Shrek

Shrek does everything in his power to keep the outside world away from his precious swamp. He has signs surrounding his home, and the environment is inhospitable. However, that doesn’t stop the fairy tale creatures from getting evicted from Far, Far Away and setting up camp in Shrek’s home. Incredulous at the number of creatures suddenly in his area, he goes over the exhaustive work he’s done to keep people away from him.

It’s within Shrek’s character development and narrative arc not to be so isolated, but the quote is an example of his character in the beginning. Humans hunted him, treated him poorly, and made him feel unwanted no matter where he went. It makes no sense to him why anyone wouldn’t just leave him alone when he finally went away to his little corner of the swamp.

19

“Hey! I’m No One’s Messenger Boy, All Right? I’m A Delivery Boy.”

Shrek

Shrek and Fiona don’t get off on the best foot when he rescues her from her tower in the 2001 fantasy comedy, resulting in Fiona’s stubborn nature coming out. She’s frustrated that Lord Farquaad’s plan was to have an ogre retrieve her from the prison, and she refuses to leave with Shrek. However, Shrek is stubborn, too, and in an attempt to convince her to come with him and Donkey willingly, Shrek hilariously claims he’s a delivery boy, not a messenger boy.

It is a small change in words, but with the change, Shrek shows that he isn’t dumb. He isn’t there to deliver a message to Fiona. He is there to deliver her back to Lord Farquaad, and he won’t leave without her because he wants his swamp back. He also makes sure that Fiona knows he won’t be made a fool and that he will do anything he needs to in order to complete his quest.

18

“Like That’s Ever Gonna Happen.”

Shrek

In the introduction to the first Shrek movie, the titular character reads from a storybook that foretells a brave knight going on an epic quest and discovering true love. He then tears a page out of the book while laughing. This proceeds one of the most memed movie intros of all time. Shrek throws open the door to an outhouse and saunters out while Smash Mouth’s iconic song “Rockstar” plays in the background in Shrek.

This immediately sets the tone for the entire franchise and makes Shrek a lovable and hilarious character. When Shrek dismisses the entire idea of true love from fairy tales, he wants nothing to do with it and knows it is never in the cards for him. It didn’t take long for Shrek to realize he had a happily-ever-after coming, even if this quote shows he never expected it.

17

“I’m An Ogre! You Know, ‘Grab Your Torch And Pitchforks!'”

Shrek

When Shrek first meets Donkey, he’s floored by the fact that Donkey doesn’t seem to care that he’s an ogre. What ties Shrek to Toy Story is that they both revolve around an iconic duo who initially don’t get along, but, after going on an incredible adventure together, they become the best of friends. In Toy Story, that duo is Woody and Buzz. In Shrek, it’s Shrek and Donkey. They do have slightly different relationships, however.

While Buzz and Woody are apprehensive of one another, Donkey instantly accepts Shrek, even if Shrek is reluctant to open up to him. This is an interesting dynamic as Shrek is the perfect part of the mismatched allies trope, but Donkey turns everything on its head. With Shrek’s quote, he expects everyone to fear him, and it just isn’t going to happen with Donkey.

16

“Hello, They Locked You In A Tower!”

Shrek 2

One of the biggest hurdles Shrek faces in the sequel is meeting Fiona’s parents — and this scene sparks one of the best Shrek quotes. After returning from their honeymoon, the two are invited to Far, Far Away, and Shrek reluctantly accepts. After the journey, they approach the castle. As King Harold and Queen Lillian are horrified at who their daughter has brought home, Shrek desperately tries to get Fiona to take him back to the swamp.

When Fiona interjects that they’re her parents, Shrek rightfully shoots back, “Hello, they locked you in a tower!” Fiona loves her parents, and she wants to respect and honor them, but she seems to have forgiven them quite quickly when she returns home. However, Shrek knows what is going on, and he realizes they won’t accept him easily.