Kwisithuba esingangonyaka sithandana, uSiara Rouzer oneminyaka engama-31 ubudala wawela inqanaba elibalulekileyo lobudlelwane. Lo mfana wayembona wayesele engasenguye umfana kodwa wayethandana naye. URouzer uthe utshintsho lwesihloko lungaphezulu kunesemantics kubo. Yayibonakalisa ukuzibophelela kwabo ngokulinganayo ekwakheni ubomi kunye.
Abantu kuluntu lwe-LGBTQ2S+ bahlala besebenzisa igama elithi iqabane ukuchaza ubudlelwane babo namanye amaqela. Ngelixa izibini ezithandana nesini esahlukileyo e-UK nakwezinye iindawo ziye zayisebenzisa iminyaka, iingcali ziye zaqaphela ukuba izibini ezithandana nesini esahlukileyo e-US zamkela igama lokungathathi hlangothi ngokwesini.
UGqr. Patricia S. Dixon, isazi ngengqondo nonjingalwazi kwiNational Louis University eFlorida wathi: “Kunqabile ukuba ndive umntu esithi, ‘Ngumyeni wam okanye ngumfazi wam okanye intombi endithandana nayo,’ sele iqhelekile into yokuthetha iqabane. I-Millennials kunye ne-Gen Zers kumajelo asekuhlaleni ayisebenzisayo njengomboniso wenkxaso yokubandakanywa kunye nokulungelelanisa inani elikhulayo lobudlelwane obungengabo bendabuko.
Ukutshintsha kolwimi kubonisa ukushenxa kwezizukulwana ezitsha kubudlelwane bemveli. Bavuleleke ngakumbi ekuphononongeni ulwelo lwesini, ubudlelwane obungahlali nomntu omnye kunye nalapho umtshato ungeyonjongo yokugqibela.
‘Isoka’ lingavakala liselula
Njengezibini ezininzi, uRouzer wafumana “isoka” inkcazo engachanekanga yeqabane lakhe elisondeleyo. Umntu wam wayeneminyaka engama-30 ubudala, kwaye akayonkwenkwe. Umfana waqala ukuziva engaqhelekanga,” utshilo. Le yindoda endala ehlawula irhafu.
Ukubhekisa kumntu othandana naye okanye intombi oyintombi yakho icebisa izinto ezininzi malunga nobudlelwane bakho, utshilo uLeah Carey, umqeqeshi wesondo kunye nobudlelwane kunye nomsasazi wepodcast “Amantombazana alungileyo athetha ngesondo.” Eli gama lithetha ukuba ubudlelwane busekwinqanaba lokuqala lokwazi umntu kunye nokuhambelana kwabo. Le mibuzo kusenokwenzeka ukuba iphendulwe kubudlelwane bexesha elide.
“Umfana unika ingqiqo yokuba lixesha elifutshane kwaye usazama ukufumanisa izinto,” utshilo uCarey. “Bendikunye ‘nomfana’ wam iminyaka eli-10, yaye ngoku ibingaseyonto ifanelekileyo kumntu oliqabane ekudala lihlala naye. ”
Ukuzibophelela ngaphandle kokubopha iqhina
Intsebenziswano ithetha enye indlela emtshatweni ngelixa ugcina ukuzinikela okufanayo ekwabelaneni ubomi kunye, utshilo uDomenique Harrison, ingcali yomtshato kunye nosapho eCalifornia. Ucacisile ukuba ukuba ‘neqabane’ kunobunzima obuthe kratya njengoko uguquko lobudlelwane lutshintsha ukusuka kubudlelwane ukuya kubudlelwane obunzulu.
Ukuthwala ileyibhile yomfana/intombi kuthetha injongo yokutshata. UCarey wachaza ukuba “i-escalator yobudlelwane” ngumbono apho izibini zilindeleke ukuba zilandele amanyathelo amaninzi kubudlelwane bothando. Umfana kunye nentombi ngamanyathelo okuqala kwi-escalator yobudlelwane, kwaye ekugqibeleni, baya kutshata kunye neqabane. Esi sihloko, ke ngoko, asizukusebenza kwizibini ezingatshatanga ngokufuziselayo ukusuka kwinqanaba elinyukayo xa zithatha isigqibo sokuhlala kunye ixesha elide.
Ubalo luka-2018 lwase-United States lunike ingxelo yokuba abantu abadala abancinci abahlala kunye neqabane elingatshatanga lonyuka ngelixa amazinga omtshato ehla. Malunga neepesenti ze-15 zabantu abadala phakathi kweminyaka eyi-25 kunye ne-34 bahlala kunye neqabane elingatshatanga – i-12 yepesenti yonyuka ukusuka kwiminyaka eyi-10 ngaphambili. “Abantu abaninzi bayaqonda ukuba banokuba nobudlelwane obanelisayo, obunentsingiselo ebomini nomntu obungadingeki bubandakanye umtshato, indlu okanye abantwana,” utshilo uCarey.
“Abantu abaninzi basebenzisa amaqabane ngoku kuba lithuba lethu lokulinganisa ukuba naluphi na uhlobo lwentsebenziswano lunexabiso,” utshilo uHarrison. “Ihlabathi belisoloko lithatha inxaxheba ekutshintsheni ukusuka kwisoka ukuya kumyeni, kodwa unokuba nexabiso kwintsebenziswano nokuba yiminyaka enye okanye engama-20.”
KuRouzer, “iqabane” yayiyileyibhile efanelekileyo kubudlelwane bakhe kuba ixelela abantu ukuba balingana kwiqela elihamba ngamahlandinyuka obomi kunye nangona bekhetha ukungatshati. Umzekelo, xa uRouzer wayefuna ukuhamba kwilizwe lonke kuphando lwakhe lobugqirha kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo, yayisisigqibo esilula ukuba iqabane lakhe lisilandele. “Kulukhetho oluphambeneyo ukufudukela ngenxa yothando, kodwa wahamba nam, yaye ndandonwabe kakhulu,” watsho.
Ileyibhile equkayo, engakhethi cala ngokwesini
“Iqabane” libe ligama elidumileyo lokusetyenziswa kuluntu lwe-LGBTQ2S + ukubonisa ubudlelwane bothando bunzulu, utshilo uHarrison. Ngokukhula kocalucalulo oluvela kubhubhani we-AIDS kunye nokungabikho kokulingana komtshato kumashumi eminyaka eyadlulayo, abantu bakhethe ukusebenzisa igama elithi “amaqabane” ukukhusela imeko yabo ngelixa behlonipha ubudlelwane babo. Ngokumisela ngokwesiqhelo ukusetyenziswa “kweqabane,” uHarrison uthe izibini ezithandana nesini esahlukileyo zixhasa ubudlelwane be-LGBTQ2S+.
Olu bizo lukwaxhasa ubuni beqabane lakho ukuba ngaba amaqabane athandana nesini esahlukileyo nangona ekubudlelwane obucacileyo. UDixon uthe abantu abathandana nesini zombini bajongana nemingeni kubudlelwane kuba abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba sisigaba.
“Uya kuhlala ucingelwa ukuba ungoluphi na uhlobo lokumamela okwangoku,” utshilo uCarey. “Xa umntu onesini esinye enokuthi ‘liqabane lam eli,’ loo nto ayibathinteli ekukhetheni isini esinye njengokuphela komtsalane wabo,” wongeze watsho uDixon.
‘Iqabane’ aligqibelelanga kulo lonke ubudlelwane
Okwangoku, akukho gama lisemthethweni lokuchaza umntu ongaphezulu kwesoka/intombi kodwa engelilo iqabane elisemthethweni. Ukubiza umntu isithandwa sakho kusondelelene kakhulu. Iqabane lasekhaya okanye omnye umntu obalulekileyo unokuvakala esemthethweni ngokugqithisileyo. Kwanegama elithi “iqabane” lisenokuvakala lingacacanga kuba abantu banokungazi ukuba uthetha ngobomi okanye iqabane leshishini.
KuRouzer, “iqabane” yeyona ileyibhile ifanelekileyo kubudlelwane bakhe beminyaka elithoba. Ligama ekugqitywe ngalo kubudlelwane, kwaye abantu bayalamkela ngakumbi kunokuba babenjalo kwiminyaka eyadlulayo, nangona esafumana ukuphakanyiswa kwamashiya ngamanye amaxesha kubantu angabaziyo.
“Bonke abantu ebomini bam bakhululekile kakhulu ekusebenziseni isigama, kuquka nomntu endisisebenzisela yena,” utshilo. “Ayisiyiyo yonke loo nto ibalulekileyo?”
